kiss the sky

1:26am: NEW: 2nd January 2007 - 11th August 2008
1. When is the last time you held hands with someone?
prayer in church

2. You wake up as the opposite gender, what's the one thing you would do?
check to see if my eye color had changed

3. Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes usually after an embarrassing situation

4. Where is your mom?
asleep

5. Morning or night person?
i can stay up late and get up early, but not together

6. What was the last movie you watched?
for real, not too sure
horton hears a who on the plane back from costa rica

7. Favorite number?
eight

8. Any cool scars?
yes and a new one from the rebar

9. Things about the opposite sex you notice first?
eyes

10. What do you do when no one is watching?
pluck my eyebrows, well, i do that when people are watching

11. Ever been in love?
almost

12. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
being clumsy, being goofy

13. What is your curfew?
still midnightish

14. Do you talk a lot?
i am trying to not talk so much about myself because other people have such interesting stories

15. You + coffee = a dangerous daily mix

16. What's your worst personality flaw?
my tendency to be self-absorbed and not think about others first

17. Would you marry for money?
no

18. Could you live without a computer?
yes, for some time

19. If you could live in any past time period, where would it be?
spain in the 40's, being young in the 80's

20. Do you drink enough water?
most days

21. Do you wear shoes in the house or take 'em off?
barefoot baby

22. What is your favorite fruit?
apples, tangerines, pineapples

23. What is your favorite place to visit?
anything new and/or international

24. Are you photogenic?
more than i believe myself to be

25. Do you dream in color or black and white?
my last dream about angie and niagara falls was in a watercolor...
?

26. Why do you take surveys?
this particular one is to see how much i have changed in a year plus some

28. What is the most beautiful language?
singing

30. What do you like most: sunrise or sunset?
sunrise

31. Do you want to live till 100 years?
if i'm supposed to be around that long

32. You hate when people do what to you?
hmm, making me wait more than patience accounts for

33. When you watch movies at home, do you like it?
yes, i close all the blinds upstairs and make it really dark

34. Do you believe in magic?
i am trying to believe in god again, and so far, well, i like it

35. Do you like to watch cartoons?
not really, if forced

36. What age did you find out Santa wasn't real?
in the single digits

37. Do you write poems?
no, but my stranger blogs seem pathetically poetic

39. You sleep more on your back, front, or sides?
fetal position

40. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?
hmm, if it had an amicable personality, a rottweiler

41. For the most part are you a happy person?
i don't really know, but i love life

42. Are you tired?
exhausted

43. Did you drink anything with caffeine today?
coffee

44. How many housephones/cellphones are in your home?
house has four, and one cell for every family member

45. Do you get along with your parents?
more than before

46. What is something that all your ex's have in common?
confusion, and really, it just didn't work at that time

47. What do you do when you're sad?
retreat into myself

48. What do you need most now?
sleep and sunday off from lifeguarding

49. What song are you listening to now?
nothing, but i have "this is all that i can give right now, lord i know it's not much" stuck in my head

50. What are you craving right now?
new life, college, new-ness

11:53pm: eight-teen
it just sounds different.

"oh, i'm EIGHTTEEN."

well, hey there. today was one of the best days i have had in a long time, actually ever. it's not everyday that the whole cast and audience sings to you. god i love theater.

things have been crazy up and down emotionally lately, and it was great to feel like i could rise above it all.

i am on a permanent high; today was that awesome.

4:35pm: i don't feel special anymore.




i need to leave this place and start fresh.




i can be brave.

7:31pm: kelsey, KEL sey
-noun


-the greek goddess of chaos. best known for causing controversy and breaking down people's barriers to show their true intentions.

-the name before Ruby.




man, i'm on a roll.

6:34pm: one more thing i have realized about myself
my intuition is never wrong.



[and that goes in italics, because until i can start to listen, it serves more as a burden than a blessing.]

1:54pm: bored.

help me!

4:08pm: sometimes i wonder if asking for unconditional love is asking for too much.

8:22pm: HAWAII [REVISED]
rewritten for posterity
MONDAY
long flight filled with gin rummy, vogue, the office, and lots of gum.

TUESDAY
up early and hit the beach, duh. later in the day my sister and i walked down the beach someways to go to the grocery store, but we ended up in a souvenir store.

WEDNESDAY
snorkeling and swimming at a beach not too far from the condo, but not in walking distance. later in the afternoon we went to a luau dinner thing. basically, when you think of a commercial hawaiian show and dinner, think of a feast of yummy food and a bunch of hula and the fastest hip circles you have ever seen.

THURSDAY
my mother happens to be the biggest history nut ever, so we took a historical drive. we never made it to hana, the town, instead choosing to go to a black beach. this beach had no sand, but tiny black pebbles from volcanic rock all around it. the rock also made some great cliffs, and yes i did do some cliff jumping.

FRIDAY [BOY ALERT]
got up at about five to get on some boat to go snorkeling. on the first dive, the winds made for some very choppy water which equals a nonstable kelsey. the second dive brenna and i did the snuba, which was pretty fun, we got really close to tons of coral. there was a cute looking guy on the boat and we talked.

SATURDAY
today was the epitome of tourism. in lahaina, most of the standing buildings were circa 1900-ish and forward, but a flea market took place under the largest bunyon tree outside of india.

SUNDAY
we went to church in lahina. they started the service with the blowing of a conch shell and handed out lei to the visitors. then we went to a beach with orange sand with really clear water, with lots of very cute hippie skinboarders.

MONDAY
official one week here. woke up late and we all left for another beach called fleming. even though it's summer, the waves were huge, around seven or eight feet at the highest. on the way back, we got takeout from this cool little place right off the shoreline street.

TUESDAY
surfing was ok, i got hit on by the instructor which was flattering because i did horribly. while everyone else was asleep, my mom and i left to watch the sunset at the best beach i have ever seen.

WEDNESDAY
went to kapalua all day, then packed and headed for the airport.

7:45am: the saga of the day before the release of the last harry potter
this morning the chronicle dedicated most of the front page of section e [the only one worth reading on most days] to harry potter and the generation of people who grew up with the release of all the books. it was nice to see other obsessed people other than myself, so the article was deemed save-worthy. on the other hand, the chronicle did run a columm that revealed the new york times and the baltimore sun had gotten early copies of the book and proceeded to write reviews [with spoilers]. this once again proves my failing faith in humanity: for one, it is technically illegal to do so [beacuse the release time isn't until 12.01 am], two, that both of these well renowned newspapers stooped to shady means to obtain a book, and three, what the hell it is just a book.

8:02pm: why is it than whenever i make up my mind about something i have to think about it more, resulting in overanalytical thoughts and the end of that idea?

i thought that i wanted to major in communications. after UT and trintiy, i don't know.
i thought that i would enjoy working for the government. hahaha.

i still want to pursue foreign language and international studies. but how can i use it?

one thing i have truly decided on that should not change is what i want out of a career:
-travel
-more time away from the desk than at it
-some type of international relations
-use of foreign language
-artistic infusion
-use of creativity
-interaction with people more than products

is it possible to find a place or career that encompasses this?
i hope so.



even less in the future, a college major...
still clueless.

definitely a double major with spanish and something else.
but what?

maybe:
communications
public relations
international relations/affairs
education [my last choice besides business]
foreign policy


to get more basic than a college major, what do i enjoy now that could be used in a career?
... lots of stuff

-TAMOAS was awesome. [i did really well there, so maybe i should try some debate this year...]
-solving problems with people, not technology
-art, theater, dance
-self expression and creativity
-helping other people express themselves
-learning about the turn to global economy, theworldisflat theory
-being around creative, artistic, intelligent people
-being in a city setting, around diversity and nonconformity
-reading classics and modern culture pieces
-working with groups and people [small kids are okay, but it gets old]



take from this what you will, but give me feed back.
you can probably see the connections here better than i can, or else i would know everything.

!

8:07pm: i'm changing my name to Ruby.




it's better than Kelsey.




that's all.

11:58pm: :D

7:42am: the first thing i did as a senior was go to the carwash. you know, the one where you park and sit inside while the soap whooshes around you?

yeah, it was great.






i think i'm going to thoroughly enjoy this summer :0)

4:17pm: a failed attempt to sum up junior year on an objective basis
i remeber talking to andrew last summer saying something like:
"now i have to do theater,"
"why do you have to?"
"i don't know, i just do."
somehow, theater was my only option to solve my situation. i needed performance, i needed artistic life around me, and the choice was clear.
so i entered the black box again on the first day of school and explained that i was back, for good. [now that i have healed completely, i will never be able to dance at the same caliber that i used to since that is what hurt me originally, but i have known this since the start of the year]
koern was glad to have me back and that in itself was a settling feeling: i had a new home. the little prince was a blessing in itself, because the required elements were similar to the environment i had just left. it made me feel like i could really make this change and not be so awkward. [and around this same time i developed a dislike for physics, which has carried through all year. today as i was cleaning out my locker, i found an old counselor's request to change teachers. i put in about four of those and never switched classes]
not being initially casted for the heidi chronicles wasn't really a surprise because i was a newcomer, but i still wanted to make it. another blessing came my way [why the heck am i using the word blessing, those things were beautiful coincidences that had no religious impact whatsoever] in the form of being a dancer in the show, which helped tremendously in my transition to becoming a theater kid [around the same time i was feeling ballet withdrawl, mostly from nutcracker, but i seriously considered returning in that time].
after the student directed plays, i felt complete unconscious change into a person of the theater [the directive process in itself was probably what did it the most] and i thoroughly enjoyed it.
and throughout all of the theaterness i went to class, bitched about physics, developed a strong but dangerous love for spanish, fought viciously with my parents, and got to know my friends on a deeper level than ever before.
during the UIL callbacks i knew i had nailed it. [there was this moment after running back from tony and i got this feeling that this would be something i wouldn't miss out on] and i wasn't wrong either: the insanity of mary girard was the most influential experience ever. i never knew how much acting potential i had, because you don't talk when you dance, and the thrill of speaking into a silent house locked me in. [btw, thanks to all other furies for being so patient with me. some lines took forever and many days in the dressing room helped them to become what they were] and competition was a new thing for me, so [you know] that made me learn lots of truly important things. [carley, thank you for telling me to never ask about time. ever.] even though we couldn't exercise out to the farthest extent, we had a hell of a good show.
banquet last night tied things together: i am a theater individual [ a noodle in the spaghetti] and this year has kicked the pants off of sophomore and freshman year. [true, it has been the most disastrous raw emotion year i have ever seen, but i wouldn't change anything to make it happier] my place in high school has been carved: theater with an infusion of spanish, and we'll see how next year goes.

*note to seniors*
you have all influenced me so much this year, and i am very grateful for everything that you shared with me. love kelsey

7:08pm: the habit of making lists has become dangerous:

my to do list has the same regeneration rate as the chinese population.

!!

8:12pm: i am trying to anchor myself, but gravity doesn't seem to be coming my way.


i think i need someone who can hold me back to the ground.
i feel as if i could just float away without guilt.

7:16pm: jason mraz.
Well I saw fireworks from the freeway
And behind closed eyes, I cannot make them go away
Cause you were born on the fourth of July
Freedom ring
Well something on the surface it stinks
I said something on the surface
Well it kind of makes me nervous
To say that you deserve this
And what kind of God would serve this
We will cure this dirty old disease
Well if you you've gots the poison, I've gots the remedy

The remedy is the experience, this is a dangerous liaison
I says the comedy is that it's serious
This is a strange enough new play on words
I said, the tragedy is that you're going to spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
Well, it all amounts to nothing
In the end

I won't worry my life away
I won't worry my life away

Well I heard two men, talking on the radio
In a crossfire kind of new reality show
Uncovering the ways to plan the next big attack
Or they were counting down the ways to stab the brother in the
Be right back after this
The unavoidable kiss, with a minty fresh death-breath
Is sure to outlast this catastrophe
Dance with me
Well if you’ve gots the poison, I've gots the remedy

The remedy is the experience, this is a dangerous liaison
I says the comedy is that it's serious
This is a strange enough new play on words
I said, the tragedy is that you're going to spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
Well, it all amounts to nothing
In the end

I won't worry my life away
I won't worry my life away

When I fall in love
I take my time, there's no need to hurry
When I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun, but I'm still going to shine
And I'll tell you why

The remedy is the experience, this is a dangerous liaison
I says the comedy is that it's serious
This is a strange enough new play on words
I said, the tragedy is that you're going to spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
Well, it all amounts to nothing
In the end

I won't worry my life away
I won't worry my life away

Cause I won’t, I won’t, I won’t
Won’t worry my life away

12:54pm: very important observation
this time of year calls for UNnecessary stress for everybody.
and it sucks, right?

8:03pm: i have mastered the art of procrastination to the best of my ability. means that i still do whatever i'm putting off, but later.

MUSE is coming in april!!

after doing numerous backbends in rehersals i am tempted to relearn how to kick it back over... fun fun stuff there.

school fundraisers suck. i'm stuck carrying around 52 bars of chocolate.
and i have realized that i can't eat that crap anymore without getting violently sick, it's great in a weird way.

but if i play my cards right, RCP tickets are mine as well.
it's all in the cards and the tricks i can pull off.

by the way, i'm procrastinating on studying for english and typing up my nonexistent lab report.

and who wants to go see the degas manet and picasso exhibit at MFAH??
ME.
even though i saw it in washington d.c.

WHO WANTS TO COME?

9:03pm: light/deep

hang me up to dry.. cold war kids
lonely by your side.. azzido da bass
the remedy.. jason mraz
get to me.. train
love police.. phil collins
spinning.. zero7
traffic.. dj tiesto
pulling our weight.. the radio dept.
american baby.. dave matthews band
san fransisco(be sure to wear flowers in you hair).. scott mckenzie
god put a smile on your face.. coldplay
everybody's talking.. henry nilsson
i don't like it like this.. the radio dept.
the spellcaster.. wynston marsalis
une annee sans lumiere.. the arcade fire
to love you more.. celine dion
brothers on a hotel bed.. death cab for cutie

fits the mood.

8:10pm: i've had this thought for about two weeks now to screw all plans i considered making for college and join a dance company.

but really, am i kidding myself? i can't seriously want to do this.
i do,
most
definitely
certainly
do.






p.s. i've been single for too long. time for a man.

6:20pm: negatives of the moment
1. fax machine isn't working.
i need to send my deposit to outward bound so i can go to costa rica. right now.

2. it's already dark, so i can't go run.
part of my correspondence work(and my stubborn-ness) requires me to go run. and i kind of want to anyways.

3. i got a 90 on my physics test but my grade went down.
the second A i've gotten all year brings down my grade. that sucks.

4. realizing over that i should be preparing for the SAT and spanish AP.
i do as little as possible in spanish and still have an A, but the AP test is going to rape me if i don't start preparing now. SAT, bleh. i gotta do something about that. if my PSAT score... yeah whatever.

5. when my sister reminds me in a not-very-nice way that she has the best boyfriend ever and i am hopelessly single.
shut up, he cheated on you.

6. waking up really late this morning.
didn't really help anything either.

7. this headache i've had off and on for the last two weeks.
more annoying than painful because i can't concentrate on anything.

8. ending on an odd number.
ok, this is just funny. seems better to know that beyond everything, i can still gripe about even and odd numbers.

hope is not lost.

7:41pm: the vixen mix

roxanne.. the police
don't lose me number.. phil collins
so much i.. red hot chili peppers
you know i'm no good.. amy winehouse
somebody told me.. the killers
shiver.. maroon5
reptilia.. the strokes
michael.. franz ferdinand
le disko.. shiny toy guns
supermassive black hole.. muse
midnight show.. the killers
this boy.. franz ferdinand
the devil.. the rapture

encourages deep red lipstick stilettos and smokey eyes.

5:52pm: stolen from margo
1. When is the last time you held hands with someone?
hmm, church

2. You wake up as the opposite gender, what's the one thing you would do?
see how much muscle i had, yeah

3. Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes many

4. Where is your mom?
asleep

5. Morning or night person?
late night and early morning, a recipe for sleep deprivation


6. What was the last movie you watched?
night at the museum, it's cute

7. Favorite number?
eight

8. Any cool scars?
haha yes quite a few

9. Things about the opposite sex you notice first?
eyes and posture

10. What do you do when no one is watching?
let my guard down, no really unless i know that noone cares its up

11. Ever been in love?
no

12. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
things that i say or do that are ridiculous and i am silent afterwards because it was so stupid

13. What is your curfew?
depends, usually around midnight

14. Do you talk a lot?
once again that depends as well

15. You + coffee = almost never

16. What's your worst personality flaw?
lack of self expression, i can't say exactly what i feel only things really close to it


17. Would you marry for money?
if it included love :)

18. Could you live without a computer?
yeah

19. If you could live in any past time period, where would it be?
the 20's and the 70's

20. Do you drink enough water?
probably

21. Do you wear shoes in the house or take 'em off?
off

22. What is your favorite fruit?
tie between apples and tangerines

23. What is your favorite place to visit?
bigcoolawesomecity- san fransisco or austin

24. Are you photogenic?
ahaha, not at all

25. Do you dream in color or black and white?
i dream in thoughts

26. Why do you take surveys?
to take my mind of things??

28. What is the most beautiful language?
french and italian are both nice

30. What do you like most: sunrise or sunset?
rise before rest

31. Do you want to live till 100 yrs?
as long as im not a vegetable

32. You hate when people do what to you?
criticize without thinking

33. When you watch movies at home, do you like it?
yes of course

34. Do you believe in magic?
umm, at times

35. Do you like to watch cartoons?
the only one worth watching, to me, is foster's home for imaginary friends

36. What age did you find out Santa wasn't real?
third grade, it took me all night

37. Do you write poems?
nope

39. You sleep more on your back, front, or sides?
back, i wake up in dance positions

40. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?
a labradoodle!!

41. for the most part are you a happy person?
conten, yes

42. Are you tired?
never ever, ohmygoodness yes

43. Did you drink anything with caffeine today?
haven't had caffeine in two years

44. How many housephones/cellphones are in your home?
house- 3
cell- 5

45. Do you get along with your parents?
as long as i dont say anything expressive

46. What is something that all your ex's have in common?
miscommunication

47. What do you do when you're sad?
get over it

48. What do you need most now?
someone to watch brick with me

49. What song are you listening to now?
goodnight goodnight HHH

50. What are you craving right now?
nothi

6:19pm: my family just planted our christmas tree in the backyard.
weird? no, that's my family.
anyways, i got a kick out imagining that we all turned into the who's from the grinch and celebrated christmas year round.
i think i've been inside my house for too long.